The Saddest Stats Of NFL Week 8
Just when I think I'm out - the Chicago Bears pull me back in. Right where I belong. Sitting in the sad seats of this circle of sad fans that assemble every week to go around one-upping one another about how sad our NFL team is.
Beating some bottom feeder NFL teams to start the season did nothing but give more leash to yet another pathetic offensive coordinator in Shane Waldron working under yet another pathetic head coach in the process of ruining yet another first round rookie quarterback. The only team the Bears beat this year with more than one win is the Rams who got their second only after getting all their good players back. And while they were one wild Hail Mary away from beating a 5-2 team Sunday they played like garbage on offense until the very end when Waldron was forced to not call plays like a absolute coward. Funny how that works. And still - in an "ugly win is still win" game, they ended up losing.
I haven't been this fired up for a Sad Stats blog in quite some time. It's scorched Earth week.
Here are your sad stats for Week 8.
Sad Stat #1 - The Chicago Bears are the only team to ever lose a game when leading after ten seconds have expired from the game clock
I'll get to Tyrique Stevenson. But the final two play sequence showed how dumb Eberflus really is. First of all, he gave the Commanders about 15-yards the play before for free. No one covered the sideline routes and I think the only person who went running down the sideline to tell the defense to was Caleb Williams. I heard Eberflus tried to do the same so he could save his three timeouts he had remaining for next week. He would go on to explain "that play didn't matter" the following day when asked about it in one of the stupidest things I've heard from a coach since Marc Trestman's tool box bit. If that play didn't matter, then why do you think the Commanders did it there coach?
And what in the hell is Edmonds (#53) assignment here? Please don't tell me he's covering the running back. Dear God he's covering the running back isn't he?
FIRED. FIRED. FIRED.
Back to the stat. The only touchdown the Bears gave up on Sunday was that very Hail Mary to lose the game. Looking back, the only other team on record (1999-current) to score their first touchdown of the game with 0:00 on the clock and win were the Jaguars in Week 1 2004 vs the Bills. But that was just on a 7-yard pass. So there's no way time had been as expired. NextGen even said this was the longest a quarterback held the ball on any touchdown pass since it started tracking in 2016.
Let me twist the knife into my own thigh a little more. I'll try not to squirt blood next to the chairs next to me. The last two teams who scored their first touchdown of the game with 0:00 left (as the Commanders did Sunday) were the Bears, followed by the Bears. Only they lost both games. Justin Fields threw a sad touchdown to Jesper Horstead against the Vikings in 2021, and Mitch Trubisky in his final pass as a Bear in the 2020 Playoffs vs the Saints.
So the Bears were involved in the last three games in which a team scored their first touchdown with 0:00 on the clock and managed to be on the losing side of all three.
Sad Stat #2 - The Ravens are one of just two teams to lose with a DVOA rank difference of 30 from their opponent
HOLD THE FUCK ON SAD STAT #2 I'M NOT DONE YET.
Have a seat, Tyrique.
RIP the ole saying "it's never one guy that loses a football game". While the Bears played like trash on offense most of the game, Stevenson (who was responsible for Noah Brown) trash talked fans while the play was literally ongoing. Like receivers running down the field full speed. Now he did issue an apology over Twitter so, let's give him a chance and see what he has to say…
Couple things Tyrique. If this is something you need to take a note of for future reference - as if you might forget - that's a bad sign. What would that note look like exactly? "Don't be a complete idiot at the end of the game"? I mean, do you write notes for yourself to put on pants in the morning? I need to see what else is in this notebook.
One other thing. "The game ain't over until zeroes hit the clock"????
WHAT? Did you really just say that?
Here's a little note for your little notebook, Tyrique:
The game is actually NOT over when zeroes hit the clock
IF THE PLAY IS STILL ONGOING!!!
Sad Stat #2 - The Ravens are one of just two teams to lose with a DVOA rank difference of 30 from their opponent
The Ravens are such a weird team. It's like they made a deal with the devil that they would be one of the best teams in the league for the small price of having to lose to every bottom feeder of the bottom feeder teams. For every survivor league player that somehow faded taking the Ravens vs the Raiders in Week 2, you gotta think they saw Baltimore still available in their pocket this week.
The largest differences in overall team DVOA rank this season are 27, and 30. 30 meaning the #1 rank vs the #31 rank. Reminder that the max rank difference possible is 31. The Ravens own both of these differences and lost both games (Raiders and Browns).
DVOA stats go back to 2003 and there has only been one other game in which a team with 30 ranks of DVOA from their opponent lost. With the Chiefs 7-0, I don't think the Ravens have much of a chance to battle them for the #1 overall seed when you tack on that head-to-head loss. The Chiefs are just inevitable.
Oh - speaking of the Chiefs being inevitable. They were that other team that lost with a 30 rank difference. Week 3, 2022 when the Matt Ryan led Colts somehow beat the Pat Mahomes Chiefs.
Chiefs are inevitable stat - the Chiefs would go on to win the Super Bowl anyway
Sad Stat #3 - The Jets would be tied with the Chargers for a Playoff spot if they made all their field goals
Let's say you wanted to know what your team's record would be if just your team made every field goal in a game but not necessarily your opponent. It's not a fair thought experiment because that's how us fans work when we think of what could have been. Here's how things would look doing this for every team. The Jets would go from their reality of 2-6 to 4-3-1.
Think about it. Robert Saleh is still the coach, and playoff talk is all the buzz in this fantasy world in which their field goal kicker isn't completely washed. Jets fans thought they were one quarterback away before Rodgers. Then one receiver away before Adams. But really, they've just been one kicker away.
Sad Stat #4 Anthony Richardson now leads NFL history in most "quarterback snaps taken off because tired"
Here's the full list:
Anthony Richardson - 1 snap
Like I said last week, you know this kid is a bust when Joe Flacco comes in and performs well when he's out. Flacco is the perfect control group in the "does my quarterback suck" field of science.
Not that you really needed a random control trial…
Sad Stat #5 - Cardinals opponents have won every single game after playing the Cardinals (7/7)
Everyone talks about the Lions opponents losing every game after playing them. So I ran some numbers of my own and found that while the Lions are beating teams up for their next game, the Cardinals are buttering them up. That puts all eyes on the Dolphins in Week 9 who head to Buffalo for what should be a good matchup.
Let's talk history. The record for most opponents to win the following week in NFL history is the 1993 Cincinnati Bengals with 11. And wouldn't you know it - they were a soft team ending the season 3-13. Looking ahead - here's what needs to happen for the Cardinals to break the Bengals record:
- Week 9: Dolphins beat Bills
- Week 10: Bears beat Patriots
- Week 11: Jets beat Colts (no chance if Flacco plays)
- Week 13: Seahawks beat Jets (watch out though if the Jets get a kicker)
- Week 14: Vikings beat Falcons
That is… very doable.
Sad Stat #6 - Brian Daboll passed the down-14 late go for two intelligence test?????
"That's not the two-point play I would have called" - Bill Cower
We have competition for that Colts punt a few years ago for worst play in NFL history. I will say though, I really want to know how this would have turned out had at least one of the five blockers knew what the hell they were supposed to do. New York Football Giants everyone.
Catch up on last week's Sad Stats.